Felicia and Ryon play Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
|Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire|
|Published||Electronic Arts, 2005|
|Executive producers||Felicia Day
|Music||Jason Charles Miller|
|Production assistant||Annie Liu|
|Stats (as of January 12, 2020)|
|First aired||March 3, 2014|
Ryon: "So, tell me something. Why the fuck are you dressed like you're at a Gryffindor slumber party? What, did you go to like Spencer's or Hot Topic or something and get—"
Felicia: "It is, indeed, a Hot Topic shirt."
Ryon: "If I have to fucking do this shit, then you should have to do it, too. Shithead-o change-o!"
VFX edit makes Felicia change into Hogwarts school uniform
Felicia: "Okay, is this good enough for you?"
Ryon: "I mean, you're wearing an infant's tie. I mean, like this is the tie they wore in the movie as kids I think."
Ryon: "So I think that J. K. Rowling should write another series of books like thirty years later. Like after—"
Felicia: "Well, she needs to write about the affair where Hermione and Harry meet in Italy."
Ryon: "Hermione and Harry finally bump some uglies."
Felicia: "Question: what are these mushrooms on the ground for? I need all mushrooms."
Ryon: "They're for a little bit of a journey that we can take."
Felicia: "Together. Me and—"
Ryon: "Me and Hermione."
Felicia: "Ron, just watch our bodies while we trip balls."
Ryon, reading prompt: "'Collect blue beans.' I'll tell you what Harry's got: blue balls. And there's only one cure: Hermione."
Felicia: "I'm gonna play Ron. I actually have his hair. [to camera] Hey! I beat you to it, internet!"
Felicia: "I always felt sorry for Hermione as the years went by because her boobs— You know that awkward teen boob thing. Like, you know you're wearing a training bra but you shouldn't."
Ryon: "I can't relate. Sorry."
Felicia: "Oh, I'm Ron. Ew."
Felicia: "If you were at Harry Potter-ville—"
Ryon: "'Harry Potter-ville'!? It's like a Zynga Facebook game? It's like you have like these micro-transactions. Like every bean costs a penny or something like that."
Felicia: "Yes, okay, exactly. If you were at Hogwarts studying, what would your emphasis have been?"
Ryon: "I think probably seduction magic or sexual magic."
Felicia, laughing: "There's no sexual magic!"
Ryon: "Yeah there is."
Felicia: "That's not— That's not—"
Ryon: "It's fourth year. It's actually a graduate course."
Felicia: "I would wanna meet J. K. Rowling and Oprah, and we'd have tea together and maybe go to a spa. Maybe sit around a span naked, but not look below the neck, 'cause we're friends!"
Felicia: "Stamina. Do it."
Felicia: "Get everything. Buy it all."
Ryon: "Harry needs to last longer, according to Jenny."
Voiceover: "Now, to put the fires out you'll need to use aqua erupto."
Felicia: "Aqua erupto from your— Where's it gonna erupto from?"
Ryon: "Hermione! What are you doing? Hermione is running the show, obviously. Look at her. Her water spurt is the biggest. She's gushin'."
Felicia, laughing: "You're so gross."
Ryon, laughing: "120 health! 86 beans."
Felicia: "I hate you."
Ryon: "Alright, next room. Wait, are there any beans in here?"
Felicia: "Fuck you."
Ryon: "Yeah, beans!"
Felicia: "I don't care if you get beans or not."
Ryon: "Dude! We gotta get beans!"
Felicia: "I'm mad at you! It's done!"
Ryon: "Get the beans."
Felicia: "The beans are done."
Felicia, laughing: "No! Please, stop it."
Ryon: "Can we compromise?"
Felicia, laughing: "It's either get beans or don't get beans."
Ryon: "Exactly, so the compromise is I get beans. That's how this works."
Felicia: "Wow, there's no beans. Stupid fucker."
Ryon: "Wait, maybe there's more beans in other chests."
Felicia: "Wow, you know what? This is the incident where Hermione was like, 'I'll just fuck Ron for the rest of my life.'"
Ryon: "You know, [tending dragons is] not as glamorous as it sounds."
Felicia: "Tending dragons?"
Felicia: "Why not?"
Ryon: "Because they probably eat a whole cow a day, which means they shit a whole cow a day."
Ryon: "One thing that startles me about Hogwarts is I just can't even imagine how many young wizards died there, right? It's like hush-hush."
Felicia: "There's a little graveyard."
Ryon: "But it's always like a 'swimming accident' or something like that. It was tragic, like they went swimming without supervision and it was their fault."
Felicia: "Hagrid tends to the little special garden in the forest outside of Hogwarts."
Ryon: "The trees grow with particular vigor in Hagrid's garden."
Felicia: "What house would Macaulay Culkin be sorted into? Let's talk about other child—"
Ryon: "Oh, he's Slytherin all day long, dude."
Felicia: "Macaulay Culkin is Slytherin all day long? Beaver's Slytherin all day long, by the way."
Ryon: "Beaver's a muggle. He was totally a muggle."
Felicia: "Selena Gomez seems like a Hufflepuff. No, Gryffindor. I would say Selena Gomez is Gryffindor."
Ryon: "All of That 70s Show kids are totally Hufflepuff."
Felicia: "I think Grace Helbig would be Hufflepuff, but she would be like the queen of the Hufflepuffs. Freddie Wong: Slytherin all the way. I just think he'd be Slytherin! He's kinda like you. He's like, fuck."
Ryon: "What about Sean Plott?"
Ryon: "Sean Plott: Hufflepuff?"
Felicia: "Oh no, Sean Plott?"
Ryon: "Sean Plott: Ravenclaw, for real."
Felicia: "Ravenclaw, yeah. Oh, what about the vloggers? Amy Dallen? Hufflepuff."
Ryon: "Yeah, Hufflepuff."
Felicia: "Really? No, she might be Ravenclaw. Nika Harper: Gryffindor."
Ryon: "Nika— Yeah, Gryffindor."
Felicia: "Scott Tumilty who does retro games. Ravenclaw. Jeff Lewis."
Ryon: "Jeff Lewis? He needs his own house. Like, you can't even— Like, he needs a whole other fucking house."
Felicia: "Yeah, Jeff Lewis fits in no house."
Ryon, singing as they extinguish flames: "We didn't start the fire."
Felicia, singing: "It was only burning in the Forbidden Forest."
Felicia: "Hermione, do anything, please. You're a pretty girl."
Prompt: "Jinx Skrewt from the behind"
Felicia, reading: "'Jinx Skrewt'!? That might be the best sentence I've ever read in a video game."
Ryon, laughing: "Jinx Skrewt from behind."
Ryon: "This operation is sort of like getting semen from an elephant. It requires a lot of prostate stimulation to kill a Skrewt from behind."
Felicia: "4 wands up a Skrewt Jinx"
Ryon: "4 wands up a Skrewt from behind"
|0:00||"This week" preview|
|6:17||"Epic Sibling Bean War of the Week"|
|10:54||"Unintentional Sex Slang of the Week"|
|11:50||Rating and outro|
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Retro Let's Play: Co-Optitude Ep 36 on YouTube
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (video game) on Wikipedia
- Spencer Gifts on Wikipedia
- Hot Topic on Wikipedia
- Zynga on Wikipedia
- Episode 73. Home Alone - Mentioned as a game Felicia originally didn't want to play when it was suggested earlier because it's a movie tie-in. They wound up playing it later.
- Macaulay Culkin on Wikipedia
- Beaver Cleaver on Wikipedia - titular character on Leave It to Beaver
- Selena Gomez on Wikipedia
- That '70s Show on Wikipedia
- Grace Helbig on Wikipedia
- Freddie Wong on Wikipedia
- Sean Plott on Wikipedia
- Geek & Sundry Vlogs on Wikipedia
- @enthusiamy on Twitter - Amy Dallen
- ThisIsNika.com - Nika Harper
- Scott Tumilty on YouTube
- @jeffylew on Twitter - Jeff Lewis
- Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire (Official Video) on YouTube