Felicia and Ryon play Home Alone.
|Director of cinematography||Omer Ganai|
|Executive producers||Felicia Day
|Music||Jason Charles Miller|
|Production assistant||Zach Donohue
|Production designer||Stephanie Hass|
|Line producer||Clay Reed|
|Production coordinator||Nick Appelbaum|
|Stats (as of January 12, 2020)|
|First aired||December 22, 2014|
Ryon: "Hey, guys!"
Felicia: "It's Co-Optitude time!"
Ryon: "Guess what holiday we are celebrating."
Felicia: "We are celebrating—"
Ryon: "NO specific holiday, because we want to be inclusive here on Co-Optitude."
Felicia: "Okay, no, actually, this is about Christmas, but—"
Ryon: "We need to put a black bar over 'merry Christmas' on your sweater."
Felicia: "But to honor everyone's celebration we are playing a Christmas game. [laughs] That's not right, is it?"
Ryon, singing to tune of Up on the Housetop: "Up in the Sega, cartridge falls. Turn it on and we'll play some."
Felicia, laughing: "It was good until then."
Felicia, singing to tune of Away in a Manger: "Away in the Sega is Home Alone. It's a single-player game, but we're playing it anyway, because the pickings on Christmas games are low, so you'll get what you get and you can't return it for a refund."
Felicia, setting traps in a house: "God, I'm a murderer!"
Ryon: "You're just like a— This is like Saw. Like the enemy from Saw or something. They're gonna trap these poor men. Like, 'Can you get out of my house of horrors?'"
Ryon: "No, go back to the furnace, dude. I'm gonna worship this thing. 'Speak to me, master! What does Beelzebub have to say? Baalzebul the Radiator.'"
Felicia: "It's like a modern Cthulhu tale."
Felicia: "I like to burn people, so just burn as much as you can."
Ryon: "'I like to burn people'? Is that on your OKCupid profile? 'I like to burn people.'"
Ryon: "Oh, that's a bitchin' stove."
Felicia: "Okay, maybe you can murder them."
Ryon: "Look at that stove. This is—"
Felicia: "Maybe you can murder them."
Ryon: "Look at the stove though. Like, that's like they're on the frontier. An 1800s frontier house."
Felicia: "We're not on open house weekend! We need to go!"
Ryon: "You keep telling me I need to get decoration ideas, and where better than a '90s video game?"
Ryon: "God, look at his walk though. He looks like he's got a poopy in his pants. Look."
Felicia: "He does! He's three years old!"
Ryon: "Oh, shit just got real."
Felicia: "Wait, why is there a pain bar?"
Ryon: "Shit just got real."
Felicia: "There's somebody here. You need to be ready— Do you know how to hit? Do you know how to kill?"
Ryon: "'How do you get to the bathroom?' 'Just go up four flights of stairs and it's the last room on the right. Hope you can make it.'"
Ryon, after getting captured: "Oh no! What!?"
Felicia: "Oh god, your carcass is on the wall!"
Ryon: "Oh no, he's still alive. Twitch in pain."
Felicia: "It's actually, you're not dead, it's just your brainstem."
Ryon: "Oh god, a tire. I just shit tires. It's my only superpower is shitting tires."
Ryon: "Guys. Guys. Are you my daddy?"
Felicia: "When I was about 4-years-old, I knew that we didn't have any money. And I also discovered by snooping in my mom's closet that there was no Santa. Because I saw gifts up on the top shelf, and I was like, that's suspicious. Why are there gifts? So in order to test the theory that there was no Santa, I decided to request the one item that I could see on the top, top shelf. And I said, 'I really want an A.G. Bear for Christmas, Mom.' And she's like, 'What?', because she bought it for Ryon. But I got—"
Ryon: "Oh shit, dude. You got my Christmas present for Christmas, didn't you?"
Felicia: "Yeah, and it was the worst Christmas because I hated this bear. It was so stupid. And I discovered there was no Santa."
Ryon: "Wow. Crushed."
Felicia: "It was an awful Christmas. So that was the one that was most traumatic."
Ryon: "Welcome to Co-opti-therapy-tude."
Ryon: "Holy shit. Is that a TV?"
Felicia: "Oh my god, I'm so jealous right now!"
Ryon: "That's like the biggest TV. Look at this."
Felicia: "And nothing to sit on."
Ryon: "Standing room only."
Ryon: "Okay, so what is this. Balloons, a bong, and a crossbow? God. Why not just the crossbow? Autoassemble. Oh, we got so many traps, dude. 'Super ball launcher'? You made something more useless out of a crossbow. You had a crossbow, and you made something that cannot hurt anybody. 'You know what I'm gonna do with this deadly weapon? I'm gonna make something stupid out of it.'"
Felicia, about bass theme on blueprint screen: "You're in Seinfeld right now. We're in Seinfeld. I wanna bagel."
Both start making bass guitar sounds
Felicia: "God, there's nothing better than Seinfeld, guys."
Ryon: "We're going in like Kramer. 'Heyyyy!'"
Felicia: "He's coming for ya! He's coming for ya!"
Ryon: "No, man, I'm coming for them. The upper hand is on the other foot."
Felicia: "This is like a revenge porn right now. It's John Wick. 'You stole my house. You robbed my house.'"
Ryon: "Thanks guys for tuning in. Happy holidays, seasons greetings, and blessed be."
Felicia, taken aback: "What?"
Ryon: "Just covering the bases, dude."
Felicia: "5 murderous children"
Ryon: "10 murderous, creepy, generic, blonde children"
|0:00||"This week" preview|
|7:16||"Heartwarming Christmas Story of the Week"|
|12:22||Rating and outro|
Ryan Copple hanging a stocking for the episode, from Geek & Sundry Instagram