Episode 23

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Felicia and Ryon play Jurassic Park, Part 2: The Chaos Continues.


Episode 23 title card.jpg

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Jurassic Park, Part 2: The Chaos Continues
Platform SNES
Published Ocean Software, 1993
Credits
Hosts Felicia Day
Ryon Day
Director Sean Becker
Executive producers Felicia Day
Sheri Bryant
Editing Sean Becker
Graphics Steven Sprinkles
Music Jason Charles Miller
Production assistant Annie Liu
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired November 11, 2013
Duration 17:32
Views 206,160
Likes 5,429
Comments 1,056

Quotes

Felicia: "Welcome to Co-Optitude!"

Ryon: "Welcome to Co-Optitude!"

Felicia: "This is where I play retro games with my brother."

Ryon: "And this is where I play retro games with my sister."

Felicia: "Who I'm not looking at 'cause he's disgusting."

Ryon, stroking his beard: "I wonder what it could be."

Felicia: "You look like a steampunk porn person. Like, it's so awful. Why would you do that to your face? [turns to see Ryon stroking his beard] Stop! No!"

Ryon: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Felicia: "I don't know, it's like somebody drew Sharpie and then it grew hair. Internet, please leave in the comments what you think he should name this facial hair configuration."

Ryon: "—how much you love this. How much you love this. I like to call this 'the turbo cop 'stache.' Any better names, go ahead and leave a comment."


Ryon: "I wanna be the creepy Jeff Goldblum character if that's an option."

Felicia: "You are right now. You are already halfway with that facial hair. I can't look at you!"


Felicia, quietly: "You gonna say—"

Ryon, quietly: "What are you doing?"

Felicia: "You gotta put it in."

Ryon: "Ah. Uh, let's uh, let's try it out."

Felicia: "Just put it in the thing! [sighs] [takes cartridge] Let's play this fuck!"

Ryon: "—er."

Felicia: "Don't rewrite me."


Ryon: "You know, these [soldiers] are just like dinosaurs, right? They just kinda run toward you."

Felicia: "They are. They just stampede your ass."

Ryon: "They're a stampede of people!"


Ryon: "So I know people don't like us saying bad things about games, but this really is a steaming pile of shit. I just wanna put that out there and just say that just because it's old doesn't mean it's good."

Felicia: "I wanna tell you right now, I'm having a really good time. I kinda like this game. I really like it. It has no logic whatsoever. It's like a bad B movie that you—"

Ryon: "What's not to like!? We got two directions of freedom."


Felicia: "Okay, this is fun. We are gonna do this. This is a super fun game! I can't believe you don't like this game!"

Ryon: "I can't believe I wasted my sweet mustache on this game."


Felicia: "This is the worst army. Like, they just run into you. They don't use any of the fucking weapons they've been given."


Ryon: "Alright, I wanna try a new mission. Trying a new mission."

Felicia: "Oh, because we mastered that one, too."


Ryon, finding giant nest: "Oh wow, mama bird come and drop something in my mouth. Feed me a worm. Man, that would make a big-ass omelet, wouldn't it? The egg in there? You'd be able to feed hundreds."


Ryon: "Get up here. Get up here. Get up here."

Felicia: "I'm trying to avoid being killed by a floating vagina!"

Ryon: "Kill it. 'Floating vagina'?"

Felicia: "I don't know."


Ryon, whispering: "Just get up there."

Felicia, laughing: "Are you talking to yourself or me?"

Ryon, whispering: "Get up there."

Felicia: "Are you talking to yourself or me?"

Ryon: "I'm talking to both of us."


Ryon: "Oh god no! Fuck."

Felicia: "Did you really die?"

Ryon: "Mm-hmm."

Felicia: "How is that possible!? Why are you so bad!?"

Ryon, laughing as Felicia falls: "How are you so bad, you fuck?"


Ryon: "Okay, as soon as we finish one level, that's when we can end the episode."

Felicia: "Yes."

Ryon: "Ah, good."

Felicia: "It'll be 2015."

Ryon: "Now we have motivation."


Felicia: "My will is like sapped to the point where I kinda wanna sleep."


Ryon: "At least with really shitty movies, like Rocky Horror, you can have camp value to it, but like really shitty video games are just like really shitty video games."


Ryon, as he's falling down a mountain: "Alright, speed run. Speed run!"


Ryon: "Okay, speed run! Here we go. Speed run."

Felicia: "Okay, let's go. Well, we can't speed run the opening."

Ryon: "Yeah, we can. We're gonna run right through those fucking raptors. It's not even gonna be funny."

Felicia: "No, they come back!"

Ryon: "No, it's gonna be awesome. Here we go. Yeah! See, look!"

Felicia: "They jump! They come back!"

Ryon, laughing: "Augh, you motherfucking raptor you! Okay, speed run strategy not— [falls in a pit]"


Felicia: "We have skin like peaches."


Felicia: "I'm almost dead already! We just started, and I almost died! Look, I'm just gonna suicide. You can't make me!"

Ryon: "Did you just electrocute yourself?"

Felicia: "Yes."

Ryon: "Alright, fine. Let's do it."

Felicia: "Alright, let's try a different level."

Ryon: "No! No, we gotta— We're committed."

Felicia: "We're committed to this!"

Ryon: "This is the one we're best at."

Felicia: "No, we're not best at anything!"

Ryon: "This is the one we're best at. This is our specialty."


Ryon: "Okay, fuck this. Fuck this. I'm done."

Felicia: "We're done?"

Ryon: "I'm done! Fuck it."

Felicia: "Alright, sorry guys! I'm sorry, we just can't."

Ryon: "Yup, sorry!"

Felicia: "We can't be good enough for you. We just can't be good enough for you."

Ryon: "Sorry. God, yeah, this is bad."

Felicia: "I don't know what else to tell you. We tried."

Ryon: "I don't even know what to say. I'm disappointed. I can't even blame the game. Time and time again I did what I knew I shouldn't do, and it just did the same thing again."


Felicia: "God, I forgot about your face."

Rating

Felicia, initial: "10 raptor claws"

Felicia, final: "I literally want to take the cartridge and just kinda like gnaw it. Like literally bite it until it's ruined."

Ryon, initial: "3 Jeff Goldblum brooding stares"

Ryon, final: "12 of those, because it was that much worse"

Cue points

0:00 "This week" preview
0:05 Opening theme
0:14 Host intro
1:36 Game begins
13:48 "Opinion of the Week"
16:07 Rating and outro
17:08 End card/promo
17:30 Closing theme
17:32 End video

Trivia

  • The first 10 seconds of the host intro are very quiet, however the background music sounds normal. The voices otherwise sound normal, so this may have been an accident in editing.

Gallery

  • Felicia and Ryon introducing the episode

  • Felicia can't look at Ryon with his mustache

  • The Jurassic Park, Part 2 cartridge

  • Ryon discovers the hover glitch

  • Ryon gets carpet bombed by the helicopter boss

  • Felicia sits in stunned silence after being killed yet again

  • Ryon falling off the cliff from the last platform in the level

  • Felicia gnawing on the cartridge in frustration

Bonus content

Co-Optitude Bonus: Jurassic Park on Hard Mode!

External links

References

Social media

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