Episode 14

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Felicia and Ryon play Super Mario Kart.

Episode 14 title card.jpg

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Super Mario Kart
Platform SNES
Published Nintendo, 1992
Hosts Felicia Day
Ryon Day
Director Sean Becker
Executive producers Felicia Day
Sheri Bryant
Editing Sean Becker
Graphics Steven Sprinkles
Music Jason Charles Miller
Production assistant Annie Liu
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired September 9, 2013
Duration 15:50
Views 225,668
Likes 4,886
Comments 728


Felicia: "But, you know what? We're gonna try to amuse you with our enjoyment, which probably won't work."

Ryon: "Nope."

Felicia: "You like our misery and ignorance."

Ryon: "You'll have to enjoy my completely whupping her ass instead."

Felicia: "Wrong."

Ryon: "It's a good substitute."

Felicia: "I hope you— I hope you die in a fire. In— On the screen."

Ryon: "Wow. That's really grim."

Felicia: "What are we gonna do with it?"

Ryon: "We're gonna play it! We're gonna play this game!"

Felicia: "Dude, that's not your catch—"

Ryon: "Let's put this game in the console and turn the console on!"

Felicia: "No, you have to say your catchphrase."

Ryon: "Let's put this game in the console and power it up! Let's power this game up!"

Felicia: "That's not it, man! D— Do it! [grabs cartridge] Let's play this fucker!"

Felicia: "I feel like at the end, this is just the preamble to fighting to the death in a jousting match. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is the Hunger Games of this world."

Felicia: "I totally just lapped the little turtle dude. What's his name? Koopa?"

Ryon: "King Koops?"

Felicia: "No, the fucking— What is the turtle's name? I'm blanking now, I'm so excited I'm in first place."

Ryon: "Bowser."

Felicia: "No, not Bowser."

Ryon: "No, king of the Koopas, it's Bowser."

Felicia: "The old turtle."

Ryon: "No, it's Bowser."

Felicia: "It's not Bowser, man, I know Bowser."

Ryon: "The king, Bowser."

Felicia: "I'm not a fucking stupid bitch."

Ryon: "Well, that's up to debate."

Ryon: "I like this. Look at that. Wow, three seconds behind. That's like an eternity. You realize that's like an eternity when you're driving?"

Felicia: "You're such a shit talker."

Ryon: "Fact."

Felicia: "Shut up."

Ryon: "Fun fact."

Felicia: "Shut up, let's just go."

Felicia: "You let Donkey Kong in his tight little ass crack onesie beat you? Really?"

Ryon: "Donkey Kong has a tight little ass crack?"

Felicia: "Well, look at him. It's going up his crack."

Ryon: "You can't even fit a toothpick in there."

Felicia: "That is a French-cut onesie, okay? It's going up his butt when he's sitting down, okay?"

Felicia, in bad Italian accent: "Would you like-a a mushroom-a?"

Ryon: "Oh wow, that's so ethnically wrong. I don't even know what to say to that."

Felicia: "Maybe eat-a some spaghetti, some ravioli!"

Ryon: "Oh wow, just the worst. Really bad."

Felicia: "Hey-a Luigi, how's it a-going? It's fun up here in first-a place!"

Ryon: "God, you're fired, Luigi."

Felicia, in bad Italian accent: "Maybe you should open a pizza parlor, you stupid fuck!"

Felicia: "Toad, you're a pretty little Toad. You are. You can grow on any rock you [gets hit with turtle shell] WAAH, WHO THE FUCK HIT ME!?"

Felicia: "Boom. NOOO!!"

Ryon: "Oh no, did something go bad? Did something go awry!? Did something go awry!?"

Felicia: "Pull it out, Toad. Come on, little mushroom. You're not a fungus, you're a fungi."

Ryon: "Oh god. Just stop that."

Felicia: "No, you're not a vegetable. That's was the joke, if you're a vegetable."

Ryon: "You just fucked up the stupidest joke in the world."

Ryon: "Luigi, I didn't mean all that stuff I said. I was just frustrated. I'm trying to coach a strong team."

Felicia, crossing lap line: "Oh, I'm still going! God dammit. I thought I was done."

Ryon, in bad Italian accent: "I chop-a that mushroom up and put it on the pizza! Chop-a the mushroom into bits!"

Felicia, trying to get Ryon's finger out of her face: "Get your finger— I don't know where it's been. It smells like chicken."

Ryon, in bad Italian accent: "What a beautiful sight. Hodor. Hodor!"

Ryon: "'Great race,' indeed. That was a story of a fall from grace, and then redemption, and ultimate triumph. Great race, indeed."


Felicia: "20 mushrooms."

Ryon: "22 mushrooms heads."

Cue points

0:00 "This week" preview
0:07 Opening theme
0:16 Host intro
1:46 Game begins
12:14 "Joke of the Week"
15:17 Rating and outro
15:29 End card/promo
15:48 Closing theme
15:50 End video


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