Episode 12

Secret of Mana

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Platform	SNES
Published	Square, 1993
Credits
Hosts	Felicia Day Ryon Day
Director	Sean Becker
Executive producers	Felicia Day Sheri Bryant
Editing	Sean Becker James Deuling
Graphics	Steven Sprinkles
Music	Jason Charles Miller
Production assistant	Annie Liu
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired	August 26, 2013
Duration	20:25
Views	246,295
Likes	4,827
Comments	937

This is part one of a two-part play-through of Secret of Mana. The second part is Episode 13.

Quotes

Ryon: "It's that time of the week again!"

Felicia: "I thought you were gonna say 'that time of the month.'"

Ryon: "No, it's like Ford truck month."

Felicia: "Ford truck month? What's that mean?"

Ryon: "It's a Texas thing. Do they have Ford truck month in California? Do you guys have Ford truck month? You do have Ford truck month? Okay, do you do gifts, or is that a Texas thing?"

Felicia: "Well, the latest Tomb Raider was made by the— the— prog— whatever, the descendants of the guys who did these. Probably the same dudes. It's only twenty years."

Ryon: "Probably the same dudes. They're not their own descendants."

Felicia: "I mean, twenty years, yeah."

Ryon: "Game developers only live five years, then they go to a spawning ground and die, and their offspring take over the game development."

Ryon: "I'm just hopping up and down on one foot. Oh wow, I'm a [fuck] up. God. [player falls off log] And the game ends! I fall to my death! That's it! Credits roll! It's a cautionary tale."

Felicia, reading: "'The village is this way. I have to find something to cut through!'"

Ryon, with sword very prominently on screen: "Do you see anything sharp that I could possibly use to get through these weeds?"

Felicia: "I don't know! I'm perplexed!"

Ryon: "I mean, if he can't move a lily pad out of the way, there's no way he's gonna get through grass."

Felicia: "He's gonna need a helper."

Ryon, circling a sword: "I wonder, if there was just something sharp around here. Do you see anything?"

Felicia: "Okay, can you please say your dialog?"

Ryon, projecting loudly: "'IT IS I who asked! The sword.'"

Felicia: "No, that's me."

Ryon: "'Uh-muh-muh!? Say whaaaaat!?'"

Felicia: "Okay. Alright. Okay."

Ryon: "Oh god, what is this flying scrotum? A 'rabite'. Not quite a rabbit."

Felicia: "No, it's a rabite. It's like a cross between a rabbi and a rabbit."

Felicia: "God, it's so satisfying for you to mow down these plants."

Ryon: "It is! There's not a single vegetation that's going to survive my tenure here. Kill all plants."

Ryon: "Boy, the rabites are really infesting the area. I'm doing a public service."

Felicia: "I know, but how do they have sex? They just bounce at each other? Because there's just nothing to grasp each other with."

Ryon: "That's usually how I have sex."

Felicia: "Please don't! Please!"

Ryon, after killing a small enemy and a huge chest appearing: "Oh, what, wow. That chest is bigger than he was! He was like, 'Please kill me and release me!'"

Felicia: "It's like a tumor."

Felicia: "God, I love games where you can level. It's like, it's fair. In life, you should be able to level. You should get a certificate, like after college it should be like, college diploma, level 12."

Ryon: "You should be able to get attribute points to spend."

Felicia: "I think you should, too. Grade one—"

Ryon: "And you should have put more into your intelligence over the years, clearly."

Felicia: "I shouldn't."

Felicia, reading: "'RYON! The Elder was looking for you. What did you do this time?'"

Ryon: "Ohhh, obviously I'm a [fuck]up. 'What did you do this time, loser? You're even dumber than the kid with the dunce cap on.'"

Felicia, reading, doing a voice: "'There's a strange guy in here. He looks kinda scary.' That's the same voice as the other one. I think we've met my match."

Ryon, pointing to dialog with just an ellipsis in it: "Okay, how would you say that?"

Felicia: "[pops lips three times]"

Felicia, reading: "'I told you it was stupid to bring someone like HIM along!'"

Ryon: "These people are typical YouTube commenters, aren't they?"

Felicia: "They are. Timothy—"

Ryon: "Timothy8765 says, 'You don't hop up and down on one leg on the log, you'll fall, dumb ass!' Oh wow, the Elder is a YouTube commenter, too! 'You idiots!'"

Ryon: "After decades of being laughed at by Elliott and Timothy, he has a rusted sword. This town's about to get interesting."

Felicia, reading: "'Legend has it that our village is finished…' Oh no!"

Ryon: "Could you use any less of a colloquial term, maybe something with some more gravitas?"

Felicia: "It's 'finished'."

Ryon, doing 1940s gangster voice: "Yeaaah, you're a goner, eh? See, village? Yeah! You're a goner!"

Felicia: "If this was the one thing in the village that was gonna mess it up, you would think they would have sent a message out."

Ryon: "Yeah, they would have like put a sign there. 'Hey, FYI, learn to push through the plants.'"

Ryon: "Wow, earth's asshole just opened up and I fell in."

Felicia, reading: "'That appears to be the real Mana Sword.'"

Ryon, reading: "'Huh? What?'"

Felicia: "'It is supposed to be pulled out by a knight in times of great trouble.'"

Ryon: "Or a complete [fuck]up in times of peace."

Felicia, reading: "'The reason why monsters have appeared is because you removed the sword.'"

Ryon: "Alright, enough of the blame game! Let's concentrate on building a bridge and getting over it, okay?"

Ryon, opening chest: "Uh, fifty bucks."

Felicia: "Fifty gold pieces. That's it?"

Ryon: "Wow."

Felicia: "That's literally it?"

Ryon: "They're bribing me to get the [fuck] out of town."

Felicia: "Wait, can you get that armor right there?"

Ryon: "They gave me fifty bucks. That's it. That's all I got. They're just a big ol' bribe. That's like not even a tank of gas these days. It's like, 'We'll get you halfway. We'll get you half a tank of gas, it's cool.'"

Ryon, reading "but…": "Uh oh. 'But…' I think there's some unimaginable cruelty coming right here. If I press 'B', my heart's about to just snap in twain."

Ryon, after hitting 'B': "Oh, I was abandoned by my mother! God! This is grim!"

Felicia, reading: "'Have everything you need?'"

Ryon: "I don't have true love. I don't have a real father. I'm not properly equipped to be kicked out of the only home I've ever known."

Character names

Ryon: "RYON"

Cue points

0:00	"This week" preview
0:07	Opening theme
0:16	Host intro
1:56	Game begins
4:21	"Controller Layout of the Week"
20:07	End card/promo
20:22	Closing theme
20:25	End video