Episode 87

I Am Bread

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Platform	PC
Published	Bossa Studios, 2015
Credits
Hosts	Felicia Day Ryon Day
Director	Zac Eubank
Director of cinematography	Omer Ganai
Executive producers	Felicia Day Sheri Bryant
Editing	Aline Oliviera
Graphics	Natalia Daniels
Music	Jason Charles Miller
Gaffer	David Thompson
Makeup	Cat Paschen
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired	March 30, 2015
Duration	11:57
Views	153,633
Likes	3,913
Comments	369

Quotes

Felicia, singing impromptu song: "Co-Optitude is the show where I play games with my brotherrrr!"

Ryon: "I'm not gonna sing it. And I play games with this idiot."

Felicia: "Guys, I'm gonna read the description of this bread. … I'm gonna read the description of this game from the website."

Ryon: "So a duck walks into a bar, right? And he goes to the bartender, and he's like, 'Do you have any bread?' … I think I screwed this joke up. Anyway, this tastes like [shit], so— [Fuck] this bread."

Felicia: "Why don't you look around. [singing to tune of Total Eclipse of the Heart] Look arouuuund, every now and then I wanna find the toaster and I get a little brown on one side. Turn arouuund."

Ryon: "Wow! That's really good!"

Felicia, still singing: "Every now and then I wanna spread the butter and I put a little jam on my face. Turn arouuund!"

Ryon: "God, you're rockin' it today, man."

Felicia: "Oh wow. This is not easy."

Ryon: "I doubt we're gonna pass this level. Just to set expectations, guys, just to level set, we are not gonna become toast today."

Ryon: "Why are you humping the butter dish?"

Felicia: "So disgusting."

Ryon, singing Marvin Gaye: "Let's get it onnnn. Let's get it onnn."

Felicia, as bread is humping various objects: "Get off the—"

Ryon: "God, you're just humping everything in sight! That is one horny piece of bread, dude."

Felicia, as bread continues to hump against her wishes: "This is the worst! I don't like this game!"

Felicia, as bread loses edibility on the floor: "Oh my god, look, look. Look at that. God, it's growing pubes. It's growing pubes."

Felicia, singing to tune of Total Eclipse of the Heart: "Turn around, bright eyes— Bread eyes. Every now and then I get a toast a-blah. And I need you more than toast, and I need you more than sandwich. If you put some Nutella on my face, I'll be the happiest bread slice in— Never gonna be in a stomach until I get something spread on me that's really really chill. I really really wanna know."

Ryon, while trying to knock a Jenga tower over onto ants: "[Fuck] these ants, dude. [Fuck] these ants, dude. [Fuck] these ants, dude. [Fuck] these ants, man, come on!"

Felicia: "The sense of accomplishment when you got on that counter, I've never been prouder of you. Never been prouder of you."

Ryon: "The Rocky theme should have been playing there."

Felicia, as the bread lands in ants: "OHHHHHHHH! ANTS!"

Ryon: "Ants! No!"

Felicia: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ryon: "Oh god, I'm covered with ants."

Felicia: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ryon: "I'm covered with ants, dude! I'm covered with ants. Oh god."

Felicia: "Oh no, you're totally in ants right now. You're ants. Alright, lemme try. Lemme try. I can do this. I can do this."

Ryon: "We gotta palliate the situation."

Felicia: "No, you're dead, dude!"

Ryon: "I'm gonna wiggle, dude."

Felicia: "No! Just— Do not resuscitate! Do not resuscitate!"

Ryon: "Naw, man! It's like I'm trapped in the building rubble, right? I gotta find—"

Felicia: "Dude! Do not resuscitate! [sighs]"

Felicia: "How you gonna get up there? How you gonna get up there? You can't get up there."

Ryon: "No, look, you are such a negative Nancy. I believe in me."

Felicia: "Dude, it's been highly proven you can't get up there."

Ryon: "'Highly proven'?"

Felicia: "Highly proven you can't get up there."

Felicia, as freezer door slowly swings open: "Uh oh, don't get in there. Don't get in there. What's inside there? A human head. A human head.

Rating

Ryon: "15,000 ants crawling on bread"

Felicia: "8 vats of yeast"

Cue points

0:00	"This week" preview
0:07	Opening theme
0:16	Host intro
1:33	Game begins
6:10	"Musical Interlude of the Week"
11:22	Rating and outro
11:47	End card/promo
11:55	Closing theme
11:57	End video