Episode 11

Nagano Winter Olympics '98

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Platform	N64
Published	Konami, 1998
Credits
Hosts	Felicia Day Ryon Day
Director	Sean Becker
Executive producers	Felicia Day Sheri Bryant
Editing	Sean Becker James Deuling
Graphics	Steven Sprinkles
Music	Jason Charles Miller
Production assistant	Annie Liu
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired	August 21, 2013
Duration	20:26
Views	196,763
Likes	4,915
Comments	672

Quotes

Ryon: "Or you can do figure skating while I take a nap, maybe."

Felicia: "Figure skating is artistry and athleticism at the same time. Get your [shit] together."

Felicia: "I just like to see these bendy women, like it's insane, they go HADOOM!"

Ryon: "Let's play this [fucker]."

Felicia: "I want a catchphrase now."

Felicia: "So you're hired to make a game for the Olympics—"

Ryon: "You let your six-year-old son draw the [fucking] characters."

Felicia: "Let's do a basic speed skating. Let's spend twenty minutes deciding what sport to do rather than just try them out."

Ryon, with Italy selected: "That's a really nice uniform, Italy."

Ryon, with Netherlands selected: "Aren't you too busy eating chocolate?"

Felicia, with France selected: "G'day mate! That's not—"

Ryon: "'G'day mate'!?"

Felicia: "Croisant! Croisant!"

Ryon, with Switzerland selected: "Go deliver some watches. That's really, really bad."

Felicia: "That's the worst country insult I've ever heard in my life."

Felicia: "Spain or Italy?"

Ryon: "I wanna say Italy, just that's some— Isn't that amazing? It's like Joseph's Technicolor Racing Stocking."

Felicia, in atrocious Italian accent: "He's-a gonna rock-a your socks off! What? That's my Italian accent."

Ryon: "Aaaand we're off."

The computer player takes off from the starting line while Ryon sits motionless

Felicia: "What—"

Ryon: "Eh, I was just giving him a head start."

Felicia: "If you were an army invading either Sonic world or Mario land, this would be the outfit."

Felicia: "Oh god, look at your devastation. Look at the devastation. Oh my god. Just slit your throat with your skate right now."

Ryon: "That's really rough! That's really, really harsh!"

Felicia: "Well, you're a piece of [shit], Sven."

Ryon: "You're sick!"

Felicia: "You disappointed a country. Don't come back."

Ryon: "I gotta figure that out, like, there's two buttons. There's two things to do and we're doing them wrong. You understand that, right?"

Felicia: "Not surprising to the audience.

Ryon: "What's a Norwegian name? Heh heh, 'Anuss.'"

Felicia: "'Anuss'? What does that mean? Anuss? Oh. Anuss."

Ryon: "So quickly we forget."

Felicia: "Go! Come on, man. Life is short."

Ryon: "His life's gonna be really short after he breaks his [fucking] neck."

Felicia: "My own country's ashamed of me! Japan's like, 'No, Yuki.'"

Felicia: "You look like meat. Your outfit looks like meat. You see that?"

Ryon: "Like good marbled Kobe beef."

Felicia: "Tenderize me!"

Ryon: "It's like he's been skinned by the Boltons or something like that. 'Where are my dragons?'"

Ryon: "Land, just land. I give up."

Felicia: "Is that the Olympic spirit? Is that the Olympic spirit? Just give up. Halfway through you bailed on your own jump. Do you know what you had to do to get here? Do you know what you had to go through?"

Ryon: "I had to be made of steak, apparently."

Felicia: "Your mother sacrificed so much to get here, and in the middle of your jump you're like, '[Fuck] it.'"

Ryon: "This simulates what it's like to put years of hard effort into perfecting a sport."

Felicia: "Pretty much the same thing. Same thing."

Ryon, as luger is scooting to start: "Whoa, it's like a dog does on the carpet, did you see that? Merca's butt was itchy."

Felicia: "His anal sac needs to be popped."

Ryon: "He needs to express his anal glands."

Ryon, in falsetto as Felicia's Spanish player: "«¡Oh, hace frío!»"

Felicia: "No, stop it!"

Ryon: "«¡Oh, hace frío! ¡Muy frío! ¡Ooh-la-la!»"

Ryon, as Felicia's luger tumbles up the side of the track: "Do a barrel roll!"

Ryon: "One more turn, just one more."

Felicia: "You're a [fucking] liar."

Ryon: "This is the last turn."

Felicia: "Shut the [fuck] up."

Ryon: "That's it. This is it. This is the last turn. That's it. That's all there is to it."

Felicia: "That's not true. That's not fucking true. [player crashes] NOOOO!"

Ryon: "This is the most basic possible snowboarding tricks ever."

Felicia: "Because you pick the same [fucking] trick every single time."

Ryon: "It's like a six-year-old."

Felicia: "Who let him in the Olympics?"

Felicia: "That dairy swirl was not—"

Ryon: "'Dairy swirl'?"

Ryon: "We have to watch the CPU."

Felicia: "We have to watch the CPU? Oh god, J. Pratt."

Felicia: "[aiming way off to left] Why would I aim here? That's not gonna happen. [aiming way off to the right] Why would I aim here? That's not gonna happen. The natural thing would be, of the three choices, I would aim toward the target. So why is there even— Why is there even a choice?"

Felicia: "Premature esweepiation."

Ryon: "[Shitty], [shitty], [shitty], [shitty]."

Character names

Ryon as Sweden: "SVEN"
Felicia as Italy: "SNOWY"
Ryon as Norway: "DDDDDDDD"
Felicia as Japan: "YUKI"
Ryon as United States: "MURCA"
Felicia as Spain: "SENORITA"
Ryon as Canada: "MURCA"
Felicia as Great Britain: "AAAAAAAA"
Ryon as New Zealand: "EEEEEEEE"
Felicia as Spain: "S"
Felicia as Great Britain: "UYYSOOO"
Felicia as Russia: "ZZZZZZZZ"

Cue points

0:00	"This week" preview
0:12	Opening theme
0:20	Host intro
1:47	Game begins
2:28	"Co-Optitude would like to apologize to the following countries"
13:13	"Co-Optitude protip of the week"
19:46	Rating and outro
19:59	End card/promo
20:23	Closing theme
20:26	End video