Episode 98

Jessica Merizan and Hector Navarro play Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened.

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Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened
Platform	PC
Published	Focus Home Interactive, 2007
Credits
Hosts	Hector Navarro Jessica Merizan
Director	Zac Eubank
Director of cinematography	Omer Ganai
Executive producers	Felicia Day Sheri Bryant
Editing	Aline Oliviera
Graphics	Natalia Daniels
Music	Jason Charles Miller
Gaffer	David Thompson
Makeup	Cat Paschen
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired	June 22, 2015
Duration	12:14
Views	65,567
Likes	1,426
Comments	256

Quotes

Jessica: "What are Watson's catchphrases?"

Hector: "Watson likes to say 'Wazzaaaaaaap' whenever he enters a crime scene. He usually opens with that. His other catchphrase is, 'Mmm, this is giving me a tingle in my jingle.' He says, 'Sherlock, I'm getting a tingle in my jingle!' And I say, 'Filthy, disgusting, sexy.'"

Jessica: "Is someone being whipped in the corner? Look, do you see that? Like a guy being bent over? He's like definitely being bent over someone's knee. Do you see it? Sherlock collects erotic paintings."

Hector: "More like Sherlock Bones."

Jessica: "Sherlock's got a lot of mascara on."

Hector: "Sherlock is wearing some guyliner right now for sure."

Jessica: "He thinks he's Captain Jack Sparrow."

Hector: "For Surelock."

Hector: "We can— [pipe puffing noise] We can smoke a pipe here, we can possibly walk to this chair, we can smoke this pipe here, we can smoke the pipe over here in this corner, we can smoke a pipe at these maps, we can smoke a pipe at this chair."

Sherlock, in-game: "I have no reason to go there. I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "Guess again, Sherlock. You're gonna pet this horse. You're about to pet this horse."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "Sherlock!"

Jessica: "The horse is getting so nervous."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Jessica: "It's gonna take us a million years to get through this."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "Why is his hat more like yours than it is like mine?"

Jessica, laughing: "Yeah, I just realized that too. Does that make me Sherlock?"

Hector: "Yes. And it's not fair. What am I then? A buffoon? Engaging in some tomfoolery?"

Jessica: "I'm Sherlock and you're a Sherlock cosplayer. You're like a Sherlock fan."

Hector: "Great. Fantastic."

Hector: "Let's go buy a hat! Or many."

Jessica: "No, you just want to buy a hat that looks more like your hat so you don't feel so ashamed."

Hector: "Yes, I do, yes."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "Other than I'm telling you to, Sherlock."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "The most interesting mystery thus far is whenever we run into an invisible wall! What is that? What could those be? Some sort of force field?"

Clerk at bookstore in-game: "I have some new novels that should interest you: a nice illustrated volume on fish and a collection of legends on piracy."

Jessica: "That— Neither of those are novels. Neither of those are novels, I would just like to point out. Both of those sound like works of nonfiction."

Hector, making Sherlock dance: "You've been struck by, bam bam, you've been struck by, bam, a smooth criminal. [sings bass riff from Smooth Criminal]"

Jessica: "Oh my god, wouldn't Sherlock Holmes a dancing game be a way better game than this game?"

Hector: "Uh, yeah, and it'd be totally in character as well. It'd be great. Uh cool, so we're done in here, yes?"

Jessica: "And then Holmes could walk in and be like, 'My god, Sherlock. What are you doing?' And he's like, 'Dancing.' And that would be—"

Hector, laughing: "I was expecting a clever retort!"

Hector, as Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Jessica, as Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "I have no reason to go there!"

Jessica: "Can we go back to your house maybe?"

Hector: "I have no reason to go there."

Jessica: "He just says it so indignantly, like we should know."

Hector: "Yeah, let's just go back home. What a boring day."

Hector: "Oh, there's that painting again!"

Jessica, laughing: "Oh my god!"

Hector: "A duplicate of the same painting!"

Jessica: "He's got it in every room!"

Hector, as Sherlock: "'You know, I just love that painting so much with the man being bent over another man's knee and whipped.'"

Jessica: "That guy's like got like a rifle a— uh— [gestures with hand moving in and out] What is it that you attach on the rifle?"

Hector: "A flashlight!"

Jessica: "A flesh—"

Hector: "A harpoon. Were you gonna say a Fleshlight? Yeah, you attach a Fleshlight to a rifle to really fuck people up."

Jessica: "No! Uh— [gesturing with hand in and out] When you're in close combat, [gestures] and—"

Hector: "Uh-huh. [gestures] You, uh, you masturbate 'em. Yeah, you get 'em. You get 'em real good. 'Hey, come here, you! We're in close combat!'"

Jessica, laughing: "No! No, on a musket! [gesturing] On a musket!"

Hector: "Oh. What is th— I don't know. What is this?"

Jessica: "[gesturing] You attach it on a musket!"

Hector: "A— A chimney sweep? What are you talking about?"

Hector: "It's gonna be an eight-parter, Ryan? Is that what you said?"

Off-camera: "Yeah. Eight-parter."

Hector: "Great. Great."

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Jessica: "FUCK YOU!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!"

Hector: "Zac's looking up what to do next. It's great."

Zac: "Did you talk to the policeman?"

Jessica: "Yes."

Zac: "Visit the Barnes bookstore?"

Jessica: "Yup."

Zac: "Did you get the fish book?"

Hector: "No."

Zac: "It's on the table in the middle alcove."

Jessica: "[sighs] We didn't get the fish book."

Hector: "Hmm. Our life stopped because we didn't get the fish book."

Jessica: "Oh my god, we didn't get the fish book."

Hector: "Sherlock Holmes can't solve any mysteries—"

Jessica: "Without the fish book. Uh, I think it's in the middle. I think it's in the middle. [laughing] You know what we were doing?"

Hector: "What's that?"

Sherlock: "A book about sea fauna."

Jessica, laughing: "SHUT UP! Do you know what we were doing? Instead of getting the fish book, we were— We were— We were dancing like Michael Jackson."

Hector: "Yeah. That's right. Are you saying that's what distracted us?"

Jessica: "That's when I was having the most fun playing this game and then we fucked ourself over."

Hector, as Sherlock: "'And now I'm going to proceed to knife you all in the throat. Goodbye.'"

Jessica, as Sherlock: "'Because I am so goddamn upset right now.'"

Hector: "[sighs] I thought for a second we were gonna be Gucci, but we haven't been Gucci this entire damn game."

Jessica: "No."

Hector: "If we walked into a Gucci factory, we wouldn't be Gucci in this game."

Jessica: "No, we would just burn down the whole thing."

Hector: "This game is giving me such a tension in my shoulders. I can feel it in my neck."

Jessica: "Are you asking for a massage right now?"

Hector: "What? No!"

Jessica: "Are you sure? Because it kinda sounded like it."

Hector: "You deduced the clues! Yes, I was, but I am not expecting one. No. Don't."

Jessica: "You're asking but you're not—"

Hector: "Don't. No. No don't."

Jessica starts squeamishly rubbing Hector's shoulders

Hector: "That's really weak, by the way. Really? That's it?"

Jessica: "I know. I just don't know what— I just don't know— I just don't— I just don't—"

Hector: "Don't worry about it. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm an adult. I'll get it later myself."

Jessica: "Ew, you give yourself massages."

Hector: "Of course. I'm alone. Go ahead and take over the game. Do it. Go ahead."

Hector: "I know, we'll take a ride. [clicks on horse]"

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Jessica: "UGGGGGGH!"

Hector: "If I ever hear a person with a British accent—"

Sherlock: "I have no reason to go there."

Hector: "—say that in real life, I'm going to punch them in the face. Be they man or woman, old or young. If someone just happens to say, 'I have no reason to go there,' and they have a British accent, I am going to sock them in the jaw."

Jessica: "I will give them a reason to go there."

Jessica: "Can we share a pipe?"

Hector: "No. My pipe."

Jessica: "Do you have syphilis or something?"

Hector: "Yes. I have all of the crabs."

Jessica: "Then we will not share a pipe."

Hector: "All around in my face. Don't cut this out! Leave it in there. Don't you edit this, editor."

Cue points

0:00	"This week" preview
0:11	Opening theme
0:20	Host intro
1:37	Game begins
6:13	"Regrettable Visual Clues of the Week"
11:35	Outro
11:56	End card/promo
12:00	Closing theme
12:14	End video

Gallery

• 

  Hector and Jessica introducing the episode

• 

  Game art from Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened

• 

  "Is someone being whipped in the corner?"

• 

  "Sherlock's got a lot of mascara on"

• 

  "I have no reason to go there"

• 

  Sherlock dancing to Smooth Criminal

• 

  Jessica failing to describe a bayonet with an unfortunate gesture

• 

  Jessica choking herself with a disassembled magnifying glass

• 

  Jessica throwing Hector's pipe out of frustration at the game

External links

• Co-Optitude Let's Play! | Sherlock: Awakened with Hector and Jessica on YouTube
• Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened on Wikipedia

References

• Sikh Troops Dividing Spoil Taken From Mutineers on Blogspot - the artwork Jessica refers to. It does not appear to depict anyone being whipped.
• Jack Sparrow on Wikipedia
• Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal (Official Video) on YouTube
• Bayonet on Wikipedia - what Jessica was trying to describe
• Fleshlight on Wikipedia - NSFW

Social media

• Geek & Sundry's tweet
• Geek & Sundry's Facebook post