Felicia and Ryon play Kingdom Hearts.
This is part 1 of a two-part play through. Part 2 is Episode 56.
|Published||Square Electronic Arts, 2002|
|Director of cinematography||Omer Ganai|
|Executive producers||Felicia Day
|Music||Jason Charles Miller|
|Production assistant||Annie Liu|
|Stats (as of January 12, 2020)|
|First aired||July 28, 2014|
Felicia: "This week, we have a really special game that I've always wanted to play."
Ryon: "But they're all special, in their own special way."
Felicia: "Uhh, some of them are less special."
Ryon: "Like what?"
Felicia: "I can't even remember the less special ones. That's why they're less special."
Felicia: "And I'm super excited, because this girl on the front, I look just like her. See?"
Off-camera, whispering: "That's a guy."
Ryon, laughing: "Case closed, internet! Can't wait for those comments!"
Felicia: "Wait, what? It's a guy!?"
Felicia: "Who are you particularly not eager to see, as a Disney character in this game?"
Ryon: "Motherfucking Goofy, man."
Felicia: "Oh god, you hate Goofy."
Ryon: "That guy. That fucking guy is just the shittiest."
Felicia: "I hate Donald Duck. I feel like he spits when he talks. I have this weird sort of sensory situation that I'd love to be in where I take Donald and I tie him up and I—"
Ryon: "Okay! That's enough of that!"
Felicia, laughing: "No!"
Ryon: "What does she do after she ties Donald up? Leave a comment!"
Felicia: "I wanna feel what his huge bill looks like and just kinda pry it open! Pry it open!"
Ryon, laughing: "So in post, bleep 'bill' so that it— [laughing]"
Ryon: "So here's a fun piece of trivia. We were actually going to get a giant key made from the crack props department over at Geek & Sundry, but they decided that it was too much trouble to do so."
Felicia: "So we don't have one!"
Ryon: "So we have no playful props for you guys this week. I'm sorry."
Felicia: "No. And you know who you can thank? You can thank Annie for that. So in the comments say, hey, thanks for not giving me an accessory this week."
Ryon, holding up a small key on a keychain: "Hey guys! We're playing Kingdom Hearts today! Look at me!"
Felicia: "Oh, the dedication of the production team on this show!"
Felicia: "Please, why are you eating jerky?"
Ryon: "It's good."
Felicia: "No, it's not something— It smells like dog food."
Ryon: "It probably is. Probably comes from the same factory."
Intro text in game: "And who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard or maybe it has already begun."
Felicia: "I think I would like that as maybe read at my funeral, because that's a new journey of being dead and rotting."
Ryon: "Felicia's funeral, sponsored by Squaresoft and Disney."
Felicia, as Riku appears on screen: "Whoa. Girl or boy?"
Ryon: "Girl or boy? [laughing] Let's play a little quiz."
Felicia: "That was some prepubescent booby."
Ryon: "Alright. [pointing at Sora] Boy. [pointing at Donald Duck] Boy. [pointing at Goofy] Ugh. [pointing at Sora] Boy."
Felicia, setting difficulty: "'Expert'? No."
Ryon, laughing: "You have shot Co-Optitude before, haven't you?"
Felicia: "No, I haven't."
Felicia, walking up to pedestal with wand on it: "Okay, so am I gonna be a magician with a branded—"
Ryon: "Oh. Wow, you're quick on the uptake, man."
Felicia: "It's a branded wand."
Ryon, laughing: "A Disney branded wand. Like in plastic clamshell packaging from the Disney store."
Ryon: "I gotta piss. Hold on. I'll be right back."
Felicia, laughing: "Okay, great."
Ryon: "I expect you to have this figured out by the time I come back from pissing."
Felicia: "Okay. Great. 'You gain experience points.' I'll just do— It's Mono-Optitude, starring Felicia Day."
Felicia: "It's much less amusing when there's one person."
Selphie's in-game prompt: "What's most important to you?"
Felicia: "This is an important moral question! 'Being number one', 'Friendship', or 'My prize possessions'?"
Ryon: "Since this is an RPG game, the answer is always C no matter what you may answer."
Felicia: "C? 'My prize possessions'?"
Ryon: "Yeah, that's the most important."
Felicia: "Oh! I accidentally pressed friendship."
Ryon: "Oh god."
Felicia, reading Selphie's dialog: "'Is friendship such a big deal?'"
Ryon, answering prompt: "'To be strong.' Let's just be a real dumb, greedy man."
Felicia, reading Tidus's dialog: "'What are you afraid of?'"
Ryon: "'Getting old.' Just vain, greedy— Big vain, greedy guy."
Felicia, reading Tidus's dialog: "'Is that really so scary?'"
Ryon: "God, you're so judgy! You asked me an honest question, I give you an honest answer, and you judge me."
Felicia: "And his shorts are uneven."
Ryon, reading: "'You want friendship. You want to be strong. You're afraid of getting old.' Wow, you're just a bundle of neuroses."
Ryon, as Sora squaring off against enemies: "'Oh god, I just wanna be friends! Don't make me grow old, guys!'"
Ryon: "Oh god, he hit me thrice!"
Felicia: "He hit you 'thrice'? Are you a Quaker Oat?"
Ryon, as Sora: "'Oh, I'm afraid of growing old!'"
Felicia, as Sora: "'I wanna be strong for my friends before I die of old age!'"
Ryon, hopping spread-eagle on palm tree trunk: "Oh! Ugh!"
Felicia: "Oh god! What—"
Ryon, as Sora rubbing up and down trunk: "'Oh. Okay. I just feel so good.'"
Felicia: "Okay, stop it! No, come on now!"
Ryon: "'I just want her to like me, but until that day I just gotta—'"
Felicia: "Okay, please, please."
Ryon, about Riku: "Oh, see? Look, he's so unconcerned about worldly concerns."
Felicia: "You know what? Men who have no feelings and are apathetic and don't meet your eye? Sexy."
Ryon, laughing: "You heard it here first, guys! Confirmed!"
Ryon, as Goofy appears: "Ohhh, fuck you. Look at this fucking guy, man."
Felicia: "I would like someone to write a short story about Ryon getting transported to a world where Goofy is his only friend, and the journey—"
Ryon: "NO CO-OPTITUDE SLASH FICTION!! PLEASE NO!! God, no. Don't."
Felicia: "—of them understanding each other on a visceral level, and finally the last line is, 'You know what, Goofy? I thought I hated you, but now, you're my best friend.'"
Felicia, reading: "'Paopu fruit—' God, everybody's up on this fruit thing! This is how meth started."
Ryon: "It's a hallucinogen."
Felicia: "SS Anuss? Oh, that's a palindrome! Not really."
Ryon: "SS Unass?"
Riku, in game: "I get to share the paopu fruit with Kairi."
Felicia: "'I claim a woman.' Wow, that's fantastic. Does she have a say in this?"
Ryon: "Wow, this is incredibly offensive, really."
Felicia: "It really is offensive! She's already shared a paopu, guys, with everybody."
Ryon: "She's currently sharing her destiny with fifty-three different men."
Felicia: "Yeah! And that's her prerogative!"
Ryon: "Come on, gimme a coconut. Yeah, fresh coconut! Mmm, so young. My coconuts are so young and they're good. Soft, young coconuts."
Felicia: "All you have is the old shitty coconuts now."
Ryon: "I want them tender young coconuts! Yeah!"
Felicia: "Oh my god, I'm gonna kill you if you don't get on the raft."
Ryon: "I got extras! I would think you guys would be happy with me."
Felicia: "Okay fine. No, it's good to have an extra coconut when you—"
Ryon: "It's so young! So young and juicy!"
Ryon, as Kairi: "'You're such a friend! I'm glad that we never have to mess our friendship up with relationships or sex.'"
Ryon: "Look at Pluto's little rat tail."
Felicia: "I know. I was just thinking that. It's disgusting."
Ryon: "Just really gross. He's like half rat, half dog."
Felicia: "If you cut that off it wouldn't even hurt him. It's like hair."
Ryon, laughing: "He actually ate some dental floss and that's poo."
Felicia: "It's like a really long pube."
Felicia: "Now this game is getting on. After our WoW fetch quests intro. Now we're doing some shit."
Felicia: "Clearly, we need another episode in order to actually meet Disney characters."
Ryon: "And to bag on Goofy. [Goofy appears on screen] Oh, speaking of Goofy! The first thing I see is this loser. Ugh."
- Raft: "SS Anuss"
|0:00||"This week" preview|
|7:22||"Dating Tip of the Week"|
- During the intro discussing Goofy, there are several expletives left uncensored, however they did bleep the word "bill" during Felicia's description of what she wanted to do to Donald Duck.
- Ryon's riffing on young coconuts comes from a time when he and Felicia were eating with Jeff Lewis (who plays Vork in The Guild), and Jeff kept bringing up the dish "young coconut" on the menu, praising it for how young the coconut is. It became an inside joke that Ryon still references sometimes in his personal streams.