Episode 33

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Felicia and Ryon play Final Fantasy VII.

This is part two of what was intended as a two-part play through, however in the introduction Felicia and Ryon explain that part one was lost due to technical issues, but that they decided to post part two by itself.

Episode 33 title card.jpg

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Final Fantasy VII
Platform PlayStation
Published Sony, 1997
Hosts Felicia Day
Ryon Day
Director Sean Becker
Executive producers Felicia Day
Sheri Bryant
Editing Chris Willett
Graphics Steven Sprinkles
Music Jason Charles Miller
Production assistant Annie Liu
Stats (as of January 12, 2020)
First aired February 10, 2014
Duration 12:53
Views 200,046
Likes 4,795
Comments 864


Felicia: "You're gonna notice a couple things that you might feel out of the loop on. One: we're wearing things on our head that might feel startling if you look at 'em. And number two: we customized the names of our characters. We got a lot of heartfelt joy."

Ryon: "That's right, as usual. Yeah, and a thought towards the theme of the game, the place of the game in the pantheon of computer gaming and video gaming, and so we hope that the names we gave them have the proper gravitas and respect for the medium and for the game."

Felicia: "Everything's going so far as planned, except we had—"

Ryon: "No it's not!!"

Felicia: "It hasn't."

Ryon: "They had to jump off a fucking train."

Ryon: "God, I'm fucking itchy. I have lice or something in this wig. Sean! Nobody with lice better have worn this wig before I did! If I have to shave my head, god help you!"

Ryon: "Unh, unh, 15 points? Come on, you're not pulling your weight, girl. Can we get her a weapon or something? This is really sad."

Felicia: "No, she's a fist— She's a fister! Uh, I mean, I can't say that."

Ryon: "She fists enemies? Is that what you're saying?"

Felicia: "Well, she punches them, yes!"

Ryon: "That's not what I asked."

Ryon: "Anuss. Poopy. Taintiez."

Felicia, stifling a laugh: "We're children. We're children. I mean, have you ever named a character a serious name in an RPG?"

Ryon: "Why would you?"

Felicia: "I always name mine after food."

Ryon: "My gnome warrior was named Morsel. And then my gnome rogue was named Zippy. And then in Card Hunter I have all dwarves, but the point is that I named them Muffins, Crumpets, and Biscuits. Yours was named Fahrvergnügen?"

Felicia: "Mine are named Fahrvergnügen, Schadenfreude, and Gewürztraminer or something like that."

Felicia, reading: "'That's one damn tiny hole.' That's what he said! It's called a urethra, where your man gravy comes from."

Ryon: "Baby batter."

Felicia: "Baby batter!"

Felicia: "Did you ever see the Zooey Deschanel cotton ad?"

Ryon: "No. Was she quirky?"

Felicia: "I can't condemn anybody for being quirky, so I'll just stay silent."

Ryon: "I didn't condemn! I asked! I asked!"

Felicia: "She was singin'. It was very Instagram filtered."

Ryon: "What would it really be like to date a girl like that? It would be maddening. Utterly fucking maddening."

Ryon: "Man, she's chesty."

Felicia: "God, why did her boobs get so much bigger? 'Cause she limit breaked. Pfppbt! [gestures her boobs popping out]"

Felicia: "Can you concentrate your fire, please? Am I backseat driving enough?"

Felicia, reading: "'We're pulling out now. We'll meet—' Why are you pulling out now?"

Ryon: "Yeah, you didn't have it blown yet. You're blowing the reactor. Don't pull out before you blow the reactor."

Felicia: "Am I in the wrong place though? Did I take a left turn and I'm just like—"

Ryon: "Yeah, you got off at the wrong subway stop to your bombing."

Felicia, as characters split out for a scripted sequence: "Taintiez and Poopy came out of my Anuss."

Ryon: "What? He just collapsed. Giving birth to full grown adults is pretty strenuous."

Ryon: "You mean we were all tipsy on soju at the Korean barbecue place with a built-in stove built into the fucking table. There's like a— So you go to the restaurant and pay people so you can cook your food. And then get really drunk and start making jokes about cooking with gas, which is what you're literally actually doing."

Ryon: "Guess what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna save it over another save. Yeah."

Felicia: "No! We need every single save! We need—"

Ryon: "No, no. Look at that."

Felicia: "God damn you. God damn you! I never save over another save. It's always new saves! Who else— Okay, no, Wil Wheaton told me he only ever has one save. I was like, 'What if you mess up? What if you mess up?' He's like, 'I mess up.' [brightly to camera] What kind of save person are you? Leave it in the comments!"

Dialog choices are "(Be strong)" and "(I don't know if I can hold on…)"

Felicia: "No, no, reveal your vulnerability. This is a turning point."

Ryon: "Strong silent type? This a turning point. That's right. Part of my therapy is to be more vulnerable with my friends."

Barret's dialog: "Don't go cryin' like a woman. There ain't nothin' I can do for ya. Ya gotta do it yourself."

Ryon: "Oh man."

Felicia: "Whoa, chauvinist, misogynistic bullshit."

Ryon: "I tried to reveal my vulnerability and he did not validate me."

Aeris's dialog: "Say, I feel like talking. Do you feel up to it?"

Ryon: "Oh god, she wants to talk? [sigh]"

Ryon alternates between "I don't mind" and "Got nothing to talk about" options

Felicia: "'I don't mind'. 'I don't mind'! Are you kidding!? She's never gonna let you name her if you aren't sucking up to her!"

Ryon: "Oh god, I don't wanna. She hasn't even slept with me yet, and already she wants to talk? God, already codependent. Jesus, get away from me. 'Can we talk about us?' Baby, there is no 'us.'"

Name entry screen appears for Aeris. Both scream

Ryon: "Alright! Alright. Alright. This is important. This is vitally important."

Felicia: "This is the end of the segment. We couldn't end at a better place. But you gotta name her! Oh god. Just end it! You'll never know what we named her! BYE!"

Ryon: "BYE!"

Felicia: "Psych!"

Felicia: "What do we name her? Well, we have Anuss, Taintiez, and Poopy. We could do something with urine or vagina. Lady Tunnel?"

Ryon enters "Va-JayJay"

Felicia: "J-A-E, because she's from the south."

Ryon erupts in laughter

Felicia: "You okay?"

Ryon, laughing: "We really need class! We need to class it up!"

Character names

  • Cloud: "Anuss II"
  • Barret: "Poopy Esq"
  • Tifa: "Taintiez"
  • Aeris: "Vujeen Jr"


Ryon: "13 suggestive body part names"

Felicia: "25 anime hairdos"

Cue points

0:00 "This week" preview explaining missing part 1
1:13 Opening theme
1:22 Game begins
7:02 "Inside Joke of the Week"
12:17 Rating and outro
12:43 End card/promo
12:51 Closing theme
12:53 End video


External links


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