Ryon and Joséphine McAdam play My Best Friends: Cats & Dogs.
|My Best Friends: Cats & Dogs|
|Stats (as of January 12, 2020)|
|First aired||January 9, 2017|
Ryon, with dog mask on his hand: "Hi, I'm a disembodied dog head."
Joséphine: "Oh no."
Ryon: "Welcome to Co-Optitude. I was a bad boy, apparently."
Ryon: "This is what happens to bad dogs right here. Woof woof."
Joséphine: "Wait, what? I just listened to you. What are you saying!?"
Ryon: "This is what happens to bad dogs."
Ryon: "Good dogs don't get their heads cut off."
Joséphine: "This is what happens to cats, good or bad."
Ryon: "Wow, you're a sick fuck, you know that?"
Ryon: "This is a Steam shovelware piece of shit, and I figure we gotta play one or two, right?"
Joséphine: "No, it looks really good!"
Ryon: "It looks really fun."
Joséphine: "It looks fun! He's being dumb. It actually looks cute!"
Ryon: "Oh! Name the dog! Gotta name the dog! Let's name the dog! [thinks] Shithead? Poopy? Anuss? I'm just spitballin' here, Jim."
Joséphine enters "Shithead"
Ryon, laughing: "Okay, it's done. Alright, little Shithead. Welcome home. Yeah, Shithead!"
Ryon: "Alright, what do we got here? Okay, 'checkup.' Alright, stick the thermometer up the ol' butthole. Alright, turn around."
Joséphine: "Oh oh, he's already ready. Look, his head's down, he's ready for—"
Ryon: "He's assumed the position."
Joséphine: "He knows what's coming."
Ryon, looking at stats: "He can't do anything, he hates us, and he hates himself too."
Joséphine: "Ryon, we have a lot to get done!"
Ryon: "Sounds like me at that age."
Joséphine: "You wanna pet him?"
Ryon, reading: "'This game is great for'— it's a game, guys —'but be careful not to overdo it or your pet gets hard to please'? Alright."
Ryon: "Let's pleasure little Shithead."
Joséphine: "Don't overdo it, Ryon."
Ryon, awkwardly mousing over dog: "Oh yeah. Oh, mmm. Oh wow."
Joséphine: "Can you turn him?"
Ryon, laughing: "Should I be doing this!?"
Joséphine: "Pet his head."
Ryon: "He doesn't care. This leaves him cold. I think he just wants his chest pet. Mmm, he likes it."
Joséphine: "Oh god. Okay. Alright. That's probably enough."
Ryon: "He likes it. He likes it a lot."
Joséphine: "Stop it. Stop it. That's enough!"
Ryon: "Mmm. Oh, mmm."
Joséphine: "Stop! Ryon! Ryon! Ryon! Let go of the mouse!"
Ryon: "No, he wants more! He wants more!"
Joséphine: "No, you're gonna do it too much!"
Joséphine, cleaning puppy: "Oh, he's getting so clean! [singing] So fresh and so clean!"
Ryon, singing: "Ain't nobody dope as him. He feels so fresh, so clean."
Joséphine, reading: "'Basic diet is always free but other diets can be bought.' Okay."
Ryon: "Alright, we're gonna go with the cheap, 50 pound bag of Ol' Roy from Walmart. It's made of other dogs, probably."
Joséphine: "No! [points to dog mask] This one."
Ryon, as dog: "Hey, I hope I taste good!"
Ryon: "Oh wow. No one will be seated during the paw print scrubbing sequence. Audience, I hope you didn't pay for your whole seat 'cause I know you're just using the edge."
Joséphine, as they hurry to wash the dog before bedtime: "Oh no, we're gonna get interrupted. Go go go go go! Shampoo: basic! Go go go! Scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub!"
Ryon: "Oh god, it's a race against the clock, guys."
Joséphine: "All of it. The top! The top! Faster faster faster!"
Ryon: "This is a filthy dog. There. Rinse it off!"
Joséphine: "Quick quick quick."
Ryon: "Oh god, do we have enough time?"
Joséphine: "You have 8 minutes. Seven minutes. Six minutes. Brush brush brush brush brush!"
Ryon: "Oh god, we're gonna make it. We're gonna make it."
Joséphine: "Brush the top! The top! Top!"
Ryon: "We're gonna make it."
End of day prompt appears
Ryon: "Did we make it? Is there one hair out of place? I think there's a single hair out of place. The game just froze."
Joséphine bursts out laughing
Ryon, laughing: "The game just froze because we were brushing it while it wanted to go to bed. It's still making the brushing noise. We've skinned the dog with this brush at this point."
Joséphine: "7 bubble baths"
|0:00||"This week" preview|
|8:28||"Riveting Cleanup of the Week"|
|13:46||Rating and outro|
- This is the first time an episode had an outright curse word in a character's name. Previous attempts to pick curse-laden names were usually shot down by Felicia as too difficult to bleep and blur out on screen. Weirdly, the words "shit" and "fuck" are bleeped out during the intro to the episode, so it's an odd distinction.
- This was the final episode of Co-Optitude. More episodes were going to be recorded, and Ryon even flew out to Los Angeles to record them. However some miscommunication led to the guests not being booked ahead of time. Joséphine, who was supposed to be in some of the new episodes, hadn't heard anything about it as of the weekend they were due to record. That weekend of shooting fell through, and no future dates ever came to fruition.
Rocketsoup (wiki curator)
As this was the final episode of Co-Optitude, I like to imagine somewhere out there little Shithead is still being scrubbed raw in perpetuity.
- OutKast - So Fresh, So Clean (Official Music Video) on YouTube
- Ol' Roy dog food on Walmart.com