Felicia and Ryon play Pieces.
|Published||Atlus USA, 1994|
|Stats (as of January 12, 2020)|
|First aired||September 7, 2015|
Felicia: "So, we're playing a really fun game today. It's called Pieces, and it's kind of like a puzzle, where we're—"
Ryon: "It is. It's not kind of like one. It is. It's explicitly a puzzle."
Felicia: "I had one [puzzle] of two gray kittens going [makes a face], and I hated those kittens more than anything because I could never finish their faces."
Ryon: "That's a nightmarish scenario, just like, you couldn't put their eyes right. Just eyeless kittens staring up at you. I don't know, I can't count the number of unfinished jigsaw puzzles that there have been in my life."
Felicia: "Boom! I'm on a roll. I am on a roll. I am on a roll."
Ryon: "No, you're not even anywhere near a roll."
Felicia: "Oh god, you're beating me!"
Ryon: "Fuck yeah I am!"
Felicia: "Oh, if you kinda look then you can see where things go."
Ryon, laughing: "Pro tip! 'After many years of studying jigsaw-ology, I came up with a few simple tips. The first one is—'"
Ryon: "'If you look at the puzzle you can sometimes tell where pieces go. That's your tip for today!'"
Off-screen: "Those are power-ups on your right, by the way, Ryon."
Ryon: "I don't need no power-ups, dude."
Felicia: "How is he getting power-ups?"
Ryon: "I'm just good naturally."
Felicia: "Shut up!"
Ryon: "Power-ups dude, are you kidding me? I don't need that shit."
Off-screen: "Felicia, his power-up's telling him where to place them."
Ryon: "No it's not. I don't even know what you're talking about, dude. That's not even true, man. I'm not even using power-ups, man. That's not—"
Felicia: "You are too! You're a cheater!"
Ryon: "No, that's not even— No, that's wrong."
Felicia: "You're a cheater! This is the stupidest game!"
Felicia: "It's a clown? What the fuck is this?"
Ryon: "No, dude, it's an alligator man. Don't you know? If you don't have empathy for your subject, you're never gonna be a good jigsaw artist, man."
Felicia: "You're not a 'jigsaw artist', okay, for the record."
Ryon: "I'm an artist, dude. I'm an artist at assembling these jigsaw puzzles, dawg."
Felicia: "I hate this game. I hate it more than anything. Zac just picked this to make me look like an idiot."
Ryon: "Well, you're making yourself look like an idiot! That's the problem."
Ryon: "I need them corners, dawg! Gimme them corner pieces, man!"
Felicia: "I'm actually using the cheats and they're very good."
Ryon: "I'm bare-backin' it, dude. I am going raw-dog on this puzzle, dude. Raw-doggin' it."
Felicia: "I don't think anyone has ever referred to 'raw dogging' Pieces."
Ryon: "I'm raw-doggin' this puzzle, man. I don't need your cheats, man."
Felicia: "Why would an alligator be a sailor? That's my question."
Ryon: "You know, shut it up. Shut your filthy fucking mouth, dude."
Felicia, after Ryon silently activates a cheat that punishes her: "Oh, you're blocking me? Did you power up to block me?"
Ryon, feigning offense: "No! Absurd!"
Felicia: "I can't believe you did that."
Ryon: "You're shitting me, dude, accusing me of this."
Felicia: "I mean, I honestly think you're an awful person."
Ryon: "Accusing me of this garbage, dude."
Felicia: "You faked me out!"
Ryon: "That's not even the case, man."
Felicia: "You did something! You did something that was bullshit! You're cock-blocking me!"
Ryon: "Look, man, your problems are your own."
Felicia: "You're fucking with me with some kind of power-ups!"
Ryon: "Why do you do that, dude? Why would— You're paranoid. You're delusional."
Felicia: "Okay, I'm not paranoid. What did you use to sabotage me?"
Ryon: "I don't know what you're talking about, man."
Felicia: "You're messing with me! You're using power-ups that are immoral!"
Ryon: "'Immoral'? Dude, morality has nothing to do with game power-ups, if I were to use them, that is what I would assert."
Felicia: "You're fucking with me! You're making me go backwards, you awful human being!"
Ryon: "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about. You… need…"
Felicia: "You need to shut the fuck up or I'm going to kill you."
Ryon: "No, listen dude, I'm trying to help you here."
Felicia: "You're not helping me! You're not helping me! Somehow you're getting so many power-ups—"
Ryon: "I'm trying to be helpful by finishing before you do!!! [completes puzzle]"
Felicia: "Fuck! You fucked me!"
Ryon, feigning offense: "What? No! What are you talking about, man?"
Felicia: "You fucking ass. Oh my god, I hate you."
Ryon: "What is wrong with you, dude? This is so unlike you."
Felicia: "I only have—"
Ryon: "You wanna talk about it? I'll talk about it with you, dude. Tell me about our mother."
Felicia: "Like, you are a savant. I can't even be angry at you right now. Like, it's almost like being mad at Mozart for being able to compose."
Ryon: "I'm the Mozart of Pieces? That's a dubious compliment at best, dude."
Ryon, activating cheat: "I think you're doing a little too—"
Felicia: "You stupid fuck. You just— I am honestly so angry with you, you're gonna walk to the airport. You're gonna walk to the airport."
Ryon: "Dude, come on now. Dawg, come on now."
Felicia: "I'm lightheaded. I'm not kidding."
Ryon: "I don't know what you're talking about. You're talking nonsense."
Felicia: "I'm literally— I'm never inviting you back to this show. This show is no longer yours."
Ryon: "You're talking nonsense, man."
Felicia: "Now I'm just giving up."
Ryon: "No, dude. Come on, dude, you got this."
Felicia: "I don't wanna play this."
Ryon: "You have the will to live, dude, come on. You have the will. Oh no, see, I mess up sometimes."
Felicia, inhaling sharply: "You're fucking condescending too. I'm so angry at you right now. I'm so angry at you."
Ryon: "Come on! You're doing good, man! Come on, buddy, look at you go. Look at you put them pieces in correct places."
Felicia: "Everyone is going to hate you when they see this episode."
Ryon: "I know. I hate myself right now a little bit. It's fine. [completes puzzle] Oh man, that was hard. Whew!"
Felicia: "When I was ten years old and never had a Nintendo, did I think when I grow up and be an adult woman that I would be publicly humiliated in many formats for being incredibly bad at Pieces?"
Ryon, patting Felicia on the back: "You did good. You did good."
Felicia gives Ryon a death look and he scoots away
Felicia: "Join us next week when our new cohost, Hector Navarro joins me—"
Ryon: "Ryon Day disappeared under mysterious circumstances in the Nevada desert, but the show must go on."
Felicia: "He got on a plane and we never saw him again."
Ryon: "5,000 puzzle pieces stacked straight to the fucking moon, man. Moon! To the moon!"
Felicia: "15 Riddler testicles" ("because he liked puzzles, right?")
|0:00||"This week" preview|
|3:19||"Jigsaw-ology Tip of the Week"|
|8:03||Rating and outro|
- Let's Play PIECES! Co-optitude with Ryon and Felicia Day on YouTube
- Pieces (video game) on Wikipedia